We Care (Un)Equally: Young People, Stereotypes and Equal Partnerships

Ieva: Hello everyone. Welcome back to the podcast We Care (Un)Equally.

This podcast is part of the European Union-funded Caredizo project. The project focuses on gender equality, the sharing of care responsibilities, employers’ involvement in care-related issues, and broader questions of social wellbeing.

Last week, we spoke with Women’s Issues Information Center expert, project implementer, and my colleague Rugilė Zmitrevičiūtė. Today, we continue that conversation.

Hello, Rugilė.

Rugilė: Hello.

Ieva: Last week, we talked about care, birth rates, and how these issues are connected. We discussed the importance of equal partnership and the idea that people building a family should share care responsibilities equally, so that we do not continue to see the large gap that still exists in society.

But we did not manage to cover everything. There are still several important topics left. Rugilė, you are not only involved in implementing this project, but also work as a youth educator and as a counsellor providing specialised comprehensive assistance to people affected by domestic violence. These are areas where you constantly encounter questions of gender equality, care, and gender stereotypes.

So first, I would like to speak with you as a youth educator.

For several years now, you have been visiting schools and speaking with students, mostly about relationships. We often hear people say that the younger generation will change everything, that they no longer have stereotypes, and that they see today’s social problems completely differently.

Is that true? Will the younger generation really grow up and save us all?

Rugilė: First of all, it is very nice to be back. It is always good to talk with you and explore important topics together.

When it comes to young people as the saviours of society and carriers of progress, I would partly agree. Most young people are active, curious, and have many good ideas.

However, when we look at the research and surveys we conduct through our healthy relationships projects, we see that certain attitudes are still quite persistent.

Young people still tend to normalise jealousy, control over a partner, checking what someone is doing on social media, going through personal belongings, and other forms of control. These behaviours still appear quite often.

We also see that various radical narratives are spreading rapidly on social media and online platforms. Some of them promote highly hostile attitudes towards women and blame them for different social problems or difficulties in romantic relationships.

So I could not say that stereotypes or harmful attitudes have disappeared. Young people are only beginning to build relationships, learning how to communicate, and searching for their place in the world. From the stories they share during training sessions, it is clear that both violence and gender stereotypes still exist.

And when we observe the growing popularity of some radical ideas, sometimes the question arises whether, in certain areas, we may even be at risk of taking a step backwards.

Ieva: You mentioned social media and radical narratives. One of the phenomena we have already discussed in earlier episodes is the so-called “tradwife” movement, which receives quite a lot of attention on social media.

How do young people react to this movement? I know you also discuss it during training sessions. How do young people respond to the ideal of the traditional wife?

Rugilė: Girls usually look at it with a certain smile and quite critically. Most often, they do not see this model as something they would like to follow.

At the same time, we also hear other views. More support appears when the discussion turns to the man’s financial role and his responsibility to provide for the family. Some girls still view quite positively the idea that a man should be the main financial pillar of the household.

That does not mean they do not want autonomy or professional activity of their own. But the idea of having a partner who could financially provide for the family is often seen rather positively.

Sometimes it seems to me that this attitude among young people is even stronger today than it was when I was a teenager. Perhaps this is connected to social media content and the romanticisation of certain lifestyles.

During training sessions, we therefore talk about how often the image being idealised does not fully reflect reality.

From our work, we know many stories in which women were encouraged to become completely financially dependent on their partner. Over time, however, this turned into control, economic violence, and situations in which the person no longer had any real opportunity to leave the relationship.

Economic independence is very important. Even if a relationship seems wonderful today, the ability to take care of oneself independently provides security and freedom of choice.

That is why we often say that perhaps what matters most is not how much a person earns, but whether they are a partner with whom you can build an equal relationship.

When it comes to boys, their reactions can sometimes be different. In recent years, I have increasingly noticed a certain defensiveness when we criticise the traditional wife model.

Sometimes they ask: “What is wrong with that?” or “Why are you saying this is a problem?”

Then we try to analyse together what lies behind this model. After all, we are not talking about the choice to stay at home or care for the family. The problem arises when a relationship is based on absolute obedience to one person and an unequal balance of power.

Of course, young men often see the advantages of this model for themselves, but they do not always think about the other side of it — the enormous pressure to be the sole provider for the family and responsible for all financial needs.

Another important aspect is that the social media influencers who promote the traditional wife ideal often earn substantial income from their online work themselves.

That is why it seems quite hypocritical to me to encourage other women to completely give up financial independence when they themselves live from their own work and have their own income.

Ieva: Absolutely. The impression often created is that choosing the role of a traditional wife leads to a beautiful and easy life. But the risks that come with losing financial independence are rarely discussed.

If a relationship becomes violent or simply breaks down, a person may no longer have the means to leave it independently.

So the problem is not the choice itself to stay at home or take on more family care. The problem arises when a person’s opportunities and control over their life end up in someone else’s hands.

We always emphasise that the most important thing is freedom of choice. Everyone has the right to choose the life model that suits them best. But that choice must not be imposed by social pressure or misleading promises.

In reality, many of the most well-known traditional wife content creators are not only working women, but also people with significant financial resources and a great deal of help behind the scenes.

So the image sometimes presented to young women is very far removed from reality.

From what you are saying about young people, I get the impression that the younger generation is already quite good at recognising stereotypes related to appearance, hobbies, or self-expression. For many young people, it no longer matters much what colour clothes someone wears or what interests they have.

But it seems that more complex stereotypes — those related to relationships, power dynamics, finances, or care responsibilities — are still much harder to recognise. Is that right?

Rugilė: That certainly seems to be the case. Of course, some young people recognise these stereotypes very clearly, and that is genuinely encouraging.

However, once we begin talking about partnerships, the division of care responsibilities, or the financial aspects of relationships, things become more complex. I think that for some young people, it is still difficult to imagine these situations in practice simply because they do not yet have that kind of life experience.

Very often, they draw on what they see in their own families. During our training sessions, we constantly hear how influential parental relationship models are. Do both parents work? How do they communicate with one another? How do they divide responsibilities? Is the relationship equal?

If a child grows up in a family where the relationship is quite unequal, that may seem completely normal to them. That is why we sometimes hear questions like, “What’s wrong with that?” or “Why is that a problem?”

People often understand the world through their everyday experiences. If a particular model has been present throughout their lives, it naturally feels self-evident.

Ieva: Yes, absolutely.

When you visit schools and speak with young people, the main topic is healthy relationships. And it seems to me that this is where we can clearly see the connection between gender stereotypes, equality, and the sharing of care responsibilities.

Would it be fair to say that education about healthy relationships is one of the steps toward a more equal distribution of care responsibilities in the future?

Rugilė: I definitely think so.

Everything starts with small steps, and gradually those steps lead toward greater equality.

When we talk about healthy relationships, we place a great deal of emphasis on equality. Healthy relationships are those in which both people are equally respected, both opinions matter, and both people’s needs are important.

These are relationships in which neither person is exploited—whether as a financial resource, an unpaid housekeeper, or the primary bearer of care responsibilities.

That is why we talk so much about partnership, compromise, and shared responsibility.

We also encourage boys to think about their future role within a family. We talk about the fact that fathers are not helpers. They are not people who occasionally “help” raise children. They are full parents, equally responsible for caring for and raising their children.

At the same time, we emphasise that active involvement in children’s lives enriches not only the children, but fathers themselves.

Young people often share stories about their relationships with their parents—both positive experiences and more difficult ones. Through these conversations, we see how strongly family examples shape people’s understanding of relationships later in life.

So I would say that education about healthy relationships and conversations about gender equality are very closely connected. Together, they gradually shape a person’s understanding of the kind of partnership they want to build in the future.

Ieva: There are a few things I’d like to respond to.

First of all, the language we use. It really matters.

We often say that a father “helps” raise the children. But a father does not help raise his children. He simply raises his children.

Likewise, a father is not merely “watching the kids” while the mother goes out with friends or goes to the gym. At that moment, he is simply fulfilling his role as a parent.

Sometimes these words may seem insignificant, but they reveal a great deal about our attitudes toward fatherhood and care.

Another thing is social media and the constantly changing environment in which we live.

There was a period when conversations about women’s financial independence were very prominent. We talked a lot about the importance of having your own income and avoiding complete dependence on a partner.

But now, on social media, we increasingly see romanticised messages about how wonderful it is to “switch your brain off” because a man takes care of everything, or how nice it is not to carry a wallet because “my husband is my wallet.”

And it feels as though certain stereotypes are returning in new forms.

That is why I think it is so important to talk to young people about these issues and help them think critically about what they see online.

Speaking of your training sessions, I’d like to ask something more personal.

If you had had the opportunity to attend healthy relationship classes like these when you were at school, how useful do you think they would have been for you?

Rugilė: I think they would have been extremely useful.

The lessons we had were often quite disconnected from the real experiences and questions young people actually have. Relationships were discussed, but usually in a very formal way that did not feel particularly relevant.

That is why what we discuss in schools today would have seemed very important to me back then.

Perhaps not so much because of gender stereotypes—I was already quite critical of those—but education about healthy relationships would definitely have been valuable.

Sometimes people simply need to hear clear definitions: what is acceptable in a relationship and what is not. What is respect, and what is control? Where does care end and violence begin?

And that is not only useful for young people. I think all of us benefit from being reminded of these things from time to time.

The feedback we receive from young people is usually very positive. They appreciate that someone comes to talk about issues that are genuinely relevant to their lives.

In fact, I often ask them what they discuss in their Life Skills classes. In theory, these lessons should cover a very broad range of topics—healthy relationships, recognising violence, sexuality education, contraception, and many other important issues.

However, what we most often hear is that a lot of attention is given to topics such as the harms of smoking, addictions, human trafficking, and similar subjects.

And of course, those are important topics as well.

But relationships are something that most young people are already dealing with right now. They are building friendships, entering their first romantic relationships, learning how to communicate, and figuring out how to resolve conflicts.

That is why I find it somewhat surprising that healthy relationships, gender equality, and respectful communication are still discussed relatively little in schools.

At least from what the young people we meet tell us, it seems clear that they need more opportunities to explore these topics.

That is why I believe these kinds of lessons are necessary and should become much more accessible to every young person.

Ieva: As you know, this is usually the point in a podcast where you hear a sponsor message. We do not have any sponsors, so we do not have any advertisements either. However, I would like to take this opportunity to briefly introduce one of the activities we truly believe in.

The Women’s Issues Information Centre organises training sessions on healthy relationships and equal partnerships. We offer several versions of the programme tailored to different age groups and audiences.

If you feel these topics would be valuable for your school, summer camp, youth centre, or community organisation, we warmly invite you to get in touch with us. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram, our website, or simply give us a call. Together, we can find the most suitable format and arrange a visit to your community.

Now, I would like to move on to another aspect of your professional work.

You mentioned earlier that the topic of violence is often overlooked in life skills classes, even though the number of people experiencing domestic violence remains alarmingly high.

So now I would like to speak with you in your role as a counsellor at a Specialised Assistance Centre.

When you talk with people who have experienced domestic violence, do you often see unequal sharing of care responsibilities reflected in their stories?

Rugilė: Yes, very often.

One of the things that surprised me most when I started working in this field was how frequently violence either intensifies or first becomes visible when a child enters the family.

The birth of a child profoundly changes a couple’s life. Daily routines change, new responsibilities emerge, and relationship dynamics shift. A woman undergoes a major transformation as she becomes a mother, but at the same time a man is also transforming as he becomes a father.

It is a period marked by enormous emotional pressure, exhaustion, and stress.

Sometimes this results in conflict, with both partners feeling overwhelmed and unable to find constructive ways to address problems. But in other situations, it is no longer conflict—it is violence.

It is often during this particularly vulnerable period that some men begin using psychological, economic, or physical violence as a means of controlling their partner.

Another extremely painful issue is the use of children as a tool of control.

We very often hear stories in which children become instruments of manipulation, threats, or coercion used to keep a woman in a relationship. Threats may involve taking the children away, restricting contact, initiating legal proceedings, or otherwise using children as leverage.

When a family has children together, completely cutting ties with an abusive person becomes much more difficult.

As a result, legal solutions and institutional support are often necessary, because reaching a reasonable agreement with someone who uses violence and control is frequently impossible.

Ieva: Yes, and I think it is very important to emphasise the difference between conflict and violence.

Sometimes people are exhausted, emotionally drained, struggling to communicate, and this can lead to conflict. But conflict is not the same thing as violence.

At the same time, even when we talk about conflict, we often see that its roots lie in unequal divisions of responsibility, exhaustion, and the feeling that one person is carrying far more than their fair share.

That is why, throughout this conversation, we keep returning to the same idea: an equal partnership is not simply a nice ideal. It has a very real impact on people’s quality of life, the stability of their relationships, and their emotional well-being.

Today we have talked about young people, gender stereotypes, declining birth rates, and domestic violence. And in all of these discussions, one question keeps resurfacing: how do we share responsibility, and how do we build partnerships?

Both of us have mentioned that we were fortunate to grow up seeing positive examples in our own families. But it is important to recognise that not everyone has that experience.

If someone did not grow up surrounded by healthy relationships, that does not mean they cannot learn what healthy relationships look like.

That is why it is so important to have these conversations in schools, youth organisations, families, and public spaces.

And yes, I will take this opportunity once again to remind our listeners: if you would like training sessions on healthy relationships, gender stereotypes, or violence prevention for your school, summer camp, or community organisation, you can always contact the Women’s Issues Information Centre.

Rugilė, thank you very much for these two conversations.

We have explored many important topics—from the sharing of care responsibilities to young people’s views on relationships and gender stereotypes. I believe we have given our listeners plenty to reflect on.

But the project does not end here. In future episodes, we will introduce more of the tools and resources developed through the project, including educational games, workplace tools, and other practical solutions designed to help create more equal environments.

Thank you again for your time and for sharing your insights.

And thank you to everyone who listened.

If you have questions, suggestions, or topics you would like us to explore in future episodes, we invite you to get in touch with the Women’s Issues Information Centre.

Thank you for listening.

Rugilė: Thank you, Ieva.