We Care (Un)Equally: Why Are We Talking About Care?

Ieva: Hello and welcome to the podcast We Care (Un)Equally. My name is Ieva Šaduikė, and I’ll be your host.

I am a Communications Specialist at the Women’s Issues Information Center, and I’m delighted to introduce our new podcast, where we will explore how caregiving responsibilities within families, households, and communities continue to be distributed unequally between women and men.

This is an area where we still see a significant gender gap, and through these conversations we hope to explore what can be done to create meaningful change. Every month, we will speak with experts, practitioners, and people willing to share their personal experiences and insights.

This podcast is part of the project “Caredizo: Promoting a Gender-Equal Balance of Informal Care Responsibilities in Micro-Enterprises and NGOs through Innovative Approaches.”

If the project name sounds unfamiliar, don’t worry. “Caredizo” is a term created specifically for this project, combining the idea of care with the benefits that individuals, organisations, and society can gain when caregiving responsibilities are shared more equally.

The project is funded by the European Union. Its aim is to reduce gender inequality in the field of care, promote family-friendly practices in small businesses and organisations, challenge long-standing stereotypes, and identify new solutions that support a more equal sharing of care responsibilities between women and men.

For our first conversation, I am joined by my colleague, Dovilė Masalskienė.

Dovilė is a lawyer, Project and Programme Manager at the Women’s Issues Information Center, and Head of the Specialized Comprehensive Assistance Center programme. Through this programme, free and confidential support is provided to people who have experienced domestic violence.

Dovilė has also spent many years working in women’s counselling and support services, giving her deep insight into the everyday challenges people face when trying to balance work and personal life. She also understands the institutional side of these issues—where systems fall short, what changes are needed, and how meaningful progress can be achieved.

Since today we are discussing an international project, my first question is a simple one: why? Why did the Women’s Issues Information Center decide to become involved in the Caredizo project?

Dovilė: Perhaps the more interesting question would be: why wouldn’t we?

Gender equality has always been one of the core areas of work for the Women’s Issues Information Center. Nearly every year, the organisation implements projects related to balancing family and work responsibilities, reconciling personal commitments with professional life, and promoting equal opportunities.

The terminology may evolve and perspectives may change, but the issue itself remains highly relevant.

Caredizo is no exception. It also addresses the challenge of balancing responsibilities, but it does so through the lens of gender equality. That is precisely why it was important for us to become part of this project.

Ieva: So it would be fair to say that the project’s objectives naturally complement the work we already do?

Dovilė: Absolutely. Even during periods when there is no specific project dedicated to the topic, we continue to support initiatives that promote gender equality.

What makes this project particularly interesting is that it examines care responsibilities and personal commitments not only from the perspective of service providers or policymakers. Instead, it places the individual at the centre—as a family member, a caregiver, and an employee.

Another important innovation is its focus on employers. This time, we are also placing particular emphasis on the NGO sector, which is often overlooked in discussions about work–life balance.

Ieva: As people working in the NGO sector ourselves, we know that there is not always an HR department available to address every issue employees may face.

How do you see the challenge of balancing work and personal life within NGOs? What makes this sector unique, and what specific challenges does it face?

Dovilė: One of the greatest strengths of the NGO sector is its flexibility. NGOs are often more agile, more open to innovation, and quicker to adapt to changing circumstances.

Because this project is international, we will have the opportunity to learn from organisations in other countries, explore their practices and solutions, and understand what works in different contexts. This is extremely valuable because it allows us not only to learn from others but also to adapt successful ideas to our own organisations.

For smaller organisations in particular, flexibility can be a major advantage. By observing how colleagues in other countries approach these issues, we can gain inspiration for our own activities, advocacy efforts, and strategies for creating change.

Ieva: One aspect of the project that I particularly appreciate is the inclusion of NGOs themselves.

This time, we are not only discussing what organisations should do or providing recommendations to others. We are also looking inward, examining how work is organised within NGOs and reflecting on whether we ourselves practise what we encourage others to do.

Of course, flexible working arrangements are a significant advantage, and we can certainly celebrate that. At the same time, it is incredibly valuable to gather evidence and learn from the experiences of our partners in other countries. We will discuss those findings in future podcast episodes, when our researchers will present the data and analysis collected through the project.

The topic of care is not new to the Women’s Issues Information Center. This is far from our first project addressing work–life balance, unpaid care work, or the division of responsibilities within households.

Since you have worked in this field for many years, I would like to ask whether you have observed any significant changes. How is the situation evolving in Lithuania? How are our attitudes changing? Even the language we use has shifted—from talking primarily about balancing work and family to discussing work–life balance more broadly.

Dovilė: The biggest change I see concerns the areas of life that are included in these discussions.

For a long time, conversations about work–life balance were almost exclusively associated with childcare. Many initiatives focused on developing services and support systems that would help working parents reconcile family and professional responsibilities.

Later, attention shifted towards supporting women returning to the labour market after maternity and parental leave. Efforts were made to ensure that mothers could remain connected to employment and feel secure when returning to work.

However, the deeper you explore this topic, the more layers you uncover.

For a long time, care was almost automatically associated with mothers. Gradually, discussions expanded to include fathers, their role in raising children, paternity leave, and the importance of involving men more actively in caregiving.

Interestingly, even the term „leave” can be misleading in this context. We are not talking about relaxation under palm trees—we are talking about intensive care and responsibility for a child and family.

Over time, legislation evolved. Paternity leave was introduced, and society increasingly recognised that raising children is not solely a woman’s responsibility.

Another important development is the broader understanding of care itself. Today, we are not talking only about children. Children grow up, but throughout life many people require care: ageing parents, ill family members, people with disabilities, and others who depend on us.

For example, when a child has a disability, caregiving responsibilities often continue long after they reach adulthood. Care therefore becomes a much broader and longer-term responsibility than childcare alone.

It is encouraging to see changes not only in legislation but also in public attitudes. European Union initiatives have played an important role in this process. Once certain changes are embedded in legislation, they gradually become accepted social norms.

A good example is the debate surrounding the non-transferable portion of parental leave. These discussions generated controversy, but they also renewed public attention to fathers’ roles in childcare.

Such debates remind us that progress is being made, but they also show how much work still remains.

While few people today would openly question that fathers are equal parents, significant challenges remain when it comes to caring for other dependent family members. And in these areas, legislation alone is not always enough.

Ieva: That is exactly why, within the Caredizo project, we are not talking only about childcare. We are seeking to broaden the very understanding of care.

Care is not limited to preparing meals or keeping a household running. It also includes caring for elderly relatives, supporting people who are ill, providing emotional support, and carrying out countless other tasks that often go unnoticed.

This area is full of nuances. For example, even in households where both partners are present, women often take primary responsibility for caring for their partner’s parents. At the same time, we increasingly hear discussions about the fact that fathers do not simply “help” raise children—they raise them as parents in their own right.

Yet in practice, reality often looks quite different. Although legislation has created more opportunities for fathers to become actively involved in childcare, men can still encounter negative attitudes in the workplace when taking paternity leave or assuming caregiving responsibilities.

This is one reason why conversations about care so often focus on women. Women still perform the majority of caregiving work and, as a result, are more likely to experience burnout, greater emotional strain, and various professional and financial disadvantages.

Having spent many years supporting and counselling women, and having heard countless personal stories, what challenges do you see most often today?

Dovilė: It is closely connected to the norms that continue to shape our society.

Women often carry an enormous burden of responsibility that seems to appear almost automatically once a child is born.

Although we increasingly talk about equal parenting, there is still a widespread assumption that the primary responsibility for a child belongs to the mother. If something has not been done, the first question is often: “Where was the mother?”

Even when fathers are actively involved, women frequently feel responsible for coordinating the entire process—reminding, planning, explaining, making lists, and keeping track of everything. This is where what we call invisible work becomes apparent.

It is not just about taking a child to an extracurricular activity or bringing them home afterwards. It is the constant planning, thinking ahead, and managing countless details—from making sure shoes still fit to scheduling medical appointments. All of this requires time, attention, and emotional energy.

That is why discussions about gender equality cannot focus solely on practical solutions. We also need to talk about stereotypes. They influence not only what we choose to do, but also what we expect from ourselves and from others. Until these attitudes change, achieving a truly equal sharing of responsibilities will remain difficult.

Ieva: And those stereotypes shape not only what we expect from others, but also what we expect from ourselves. Society still sends a powerful message that mothers should be responsible for everything.

I sometimes catch myself thinking about things that are not even relevant to my life yet. For example, although I am not a mother, I have found myself wondering whether I should learn how to sew because one day I might need to make costumes for my children.

Only afterwards did I realise that my husband is actually very good at sewing. Why did it not even occur to me that our children could ask their father for help?

That is a perfect example of how deeply these stereotypes are rooted within us. They shape not only other people’s expectations but also our own relationship with ourselves. We begin demanding more and more from ourselves because we fear hearing the question: “Where was the mother?”

We see this in the education system as well. In most cases, the first person a school contacts regarding a child is still the mother. Whether a child has forgotten something, had an argument, failed to complete an assignment, or needs to bring a cake to a school event, the call is usually directed to her.

Dovilė: That’s true, although stereotypes can sometimes work in the opposite direction. If a child gets into a conflict or a fight, people might be more likely to contact the father first.

But overall, these stereotypes remain very strong.

To me, they are like dark clouds constantly hanging overhead. Even if, within your own family, you consciously try to share responsibilities and catch yourself resisting society’s expectations, you still have to navigate the attitudes of the wider world.

Questions inevitably arise: How will the school react? What about a social services office, a day centre, or an employer? Will they understand why you need a more flexible schedule? Will they agree to give you time off when your child needs medical care? Or will they respond with additional questions and doubts?

Ieva: Or perhaps they will ask, “Can’t your wife do it?”—as though you should have to explain what your partner is doing at that moment and justify why you are the one caring for your child.

Since we are already talking about family life, I would like to ask something more personal.

You are the mother of three children, and together with your husband you are raising your family while pursuing your careers. Given that our project focuses on micro-organisations and the NGO sector, how do you manage to balance work and family life? Do you have any advice?

Dovilė: I do not think there is a single piece of advice that works for everyone.

In our family, the most important thing is that we both adapt and adjust. In some situations I take on more responsibility; in others, my husband does. When one of us cannot do something, the other steps in.

Flexibility is certainly one of the great strengths of the NGO sector. But I am grateful not only for my own workplace. My husband also works in an organisation that offers considerable flexibility.

More importantly, he is not afraid to use it. He is comfortable saying when he needs to adjust his schedule to meet family responsibilities.

For example, if one of our children becomes ill, he can tell his employer that he will work remotely that day or arrive later. If I happen to be delivering training on the other side of Lithuania, it is entirely natural that he takes responsibility for childcare.

This is precisely where the role of the employer becomes crucial. One of the messages of this project is that individual willingness alone is not enough. Organisations need a culture that recognises employees as people with lives beyond work.

I have seen situations where a father brings his child to a medical appointment and finds himself the only man in a waiting room full of mothers. Even then, questions are often directed elsewhere—even though he is the person who knows every detail about his child’s condition.

That demonstrates how deeply rooted the assumption remains that the mother is ultimately responsible.

For us, the key is constant communication. Life is unpredictable. Sometimes, at five o’clock in the morning, you discover that a child is sick and suddenly the entire day must be reorganised.

In those situations, we open our calendars and work out a plan: who can stay home in the morning, who can move a meeting, who can take over responsibilities later in the day. It is an ongoing process of cooperation rather than a one-time agreement.

At the same time, I have seen very different situations.

Sometimes a person is highly motivated and genuinely wants to be actively involved in family life, but their workplace still operates according to the assumption that employees exist solely for work.

Ieva: As if nothing else in life depends on them.

Dovilė: Exactly. As if they should be available only to their employer and have no other responsibilities.

When that happens, and if circumstances allow, changing jobs sometimes becomes the only viable solution.

Ieva: That is such an important point. Good intentions alone are not enough if the system does not support them.

We have talked a lot about how stereotypes follow us everywhere. Even when a father is actively caring for his child, he may still be questioned about why he is there instead of the mother, as though his right to be an equal parent were somehow less legitimate.

Another important point you raised is that life cannot be managed according to a fixed formula. There is no single recipe for sharing caregiving responsibilities. No two days are ever the same.

That is why sharing care responsibilities is, fundamentally, a continuous process of communication, negotiation, and cooperation.

Dovilė: Yes. And if I were to offer not advice, but a small suggestion, I would encourage people to start with the little things in everyday life.

I sometimes like to pay attention to forms and official documents. Very often, the mother is automatically listed as the primary contact person, while the father is listed second—or not included at all.

In situations like that, I enjoy making small adjustments and changing the order. It may seem like a minor detail, but meaningful change is often built from exactly these kinds of small actions. It is a form of everyday micro-feminism.

Ieva: And perhaps that is exactly how change begins—with small actions like these.

I remember a personal story from my school years. For a long time, I argued with the vice principal because I wanted her to call my father rather than my mother. At the time, my mother had just given birth to my younger sister, yet it was still considered completely natural that she should be the person contacted about everything.

Sometimes it is enough to simply say: “Here is my father’s phone number—please contact him.”

And since you enjoy noticing and challenging these everyday assumptions, let me ask a different question. If you could choose one change in Lithuania that would make it easier for people to balance work and family responsibilities, what would it be?

It could be anything—from better public transport that would make it easier and safer for children to get to school or extracurricular activities, to other solutions that could simplify everyday family life. What would your choice be? What, in your opinion, would make balancing work and caregiving a little easier?

Dovilė: How am I supposed to choose now? You have given me so many options.

When you mentioned public transport, my thoughts immediately turned to accessibility more broadly—to how people reach social service institutions, sports and arts schools, children’s day centres, healthcare facilities, and all the other places they need in everyday life.

My suggestion may sound unexpected at first, but I would start with something very simple: safe and well-maintained sidewalks. When sidewalks are covered with wet leaves in autumn or snow in winter, you quickly see who the city is actually designed for.

Every day, children walk along those sidewalks to school. People use them to reach healthcare facilities. Parents accompany their children to extracurricular activities and children’s centres. Quite often, someone is also pushing a stroller. And yes, more often than not, that person is still a mother—although certainly not always.

For someone travelling by car, these obstacles may not seem significant. But for a person walking or pushing a stroller, they mean additional time, extra effort, and sometimes even safety risks. A cleared sidewalk makes everyday life faster, easier, and safer.

Ieva: That’s true. In those situations, you are not only planning how long it will take to reach your destination—you are also calculating how much extra time you will need to deal with snow, ice, or slippery leaves.

It is a reminder that we need to think not only about cars, but also about people—the people who walk, accompany children, transport them, or push strollers.

Dovilė: Exactly. At first glance, this may not seem related to gender equality at all. But if we want to build a society where everyone can thrive, we need to pay attention to how people actually live today.

A significant share of caregiving and care-related responsibilities still falls on women. That means that when we design cities, services, and infrastructure, we cannot assume that everyone travels everywhere by car. We need to look at reality as it is and improve it accordingly.

Ieva: That is a very good example. If public transport is inconvenient and women use it more frequently than men, we can immediately see how certain policy decisions affect different groups in different ways. In that sense, even a welfare state may not be serving everyone equally.

Our Caredizo project is now roughly halfway through. We have already completed a number of analyses, and we will soon be sharing the results. We are also delivering training programmes and planning many additional activities, as the project will continue until 2027.

So let me ask: what do you hope this project will achieve?

Dovilė: Change.

What I find particularly important is the project’s strong focus on the relationship between employees and employers. This is not an entirely new topic, but it remains a relatively uncommon perspective—and a very necessary one.

I hope that all the materials developed through the project will prove useful and have a lasting impact. One of the project’s greatest strengths is that its activities are not based on assumptions or personal opinions about how things should be.

The analyses, training programmes, informational resources, and other outputs are grounded in research, data, good practices, and the realities people face today. That allows us to address real needs and search for solutions that genuinely have the potential to work.

Ieva: Then I hope that we will not only wait for change, but become part of it ourselves.

Thank you, Dovilė, for this conversation and for sharing your insights. Today, we discussed the importance of sharing caregiving responsibilities not only within families but also with the support of employers. Even the best intentions are sometimes not enough if the workplace is not prepared to support them.

We also reflected on the fact that care is about much more than childcare. It includes caring for older people, supporting family members with disabilities, and looking after other people who depend on us. Most importantly, we explored ways of sharing these responsibilities more fairly.

Thank you for joining me today.

Dovilė: Thank you for having me.

Ieva: And to our listeners, I invite you to join us for the next episode of We Care (Un)Equally.

In the next episode, I will be speaking with our researcher, Jurgita Pečiūrienė, who will present the analyses conducted as part of the project and discuss their findings in greater detail. I can reveal only this much: some of the numbers are not surprising, yet they are still thought-provoking.

Follow the Women’s Issues Information Center on social media. Through our Facebook and Instagram channels, we share updates about the project, upcoming events, and the resources we are developing.

Thank you for listening, and until next time.